Why did you do that?
Most likely because, on a whim, it seemed like a jolly good idea at the time.
Perhaps on some level it made you feel warm and fuzzy when you most needed it. It may have seemed familiar, non-threatening, accepting you as a member of the clan, promising you some level of safety or security, some degree of comfort or joy. You became enthused and your instinct was just to go with it.
And it seemed fine, and fuzzy… at the time.
Until you took it home. And then, soon after the fuzziness wore off, you began to notice that there were a string of practical matters that needed to be considered, certain terms and conditions that needed to be met in order to maintain that initial fuzziness. Some of those practical matters may have been bearable in the beginning because they were in some way in alignment with what you were prepared to do. However, as would be gradually revealed, many other practical matters were simply hard work. And though you gritted your teeth and went along with those, merely for the purpose of restoring that initial feeling of comfort, you may have found that you had to kinda lie to yourself, to kid yourself (and others) that this was what you wanted after all. And the more you had to work at it to keep it going, the greater that lie you continued to tell yourself became.
And though at some later point you felt like you didn’t want to stay – that circumstances had become such a crashing bore, that every thing about them was a chore, but out of habit (nothing more), and maybe fear for what’s in store, you chose instead to stay and stick it out, and in the end, although you swore you couldn’t take it any more, you couldn’t leave (you were its whore).
Would have been a shame to leave, right? After all, you had gotten so used to it – became conditioned to put up with even the most excruciating ordeals to emulate that now elusive ‘fuzziness’; and though in reality things became far from any ideal you may have held in your heart; and though it promised you no freedom, and though the circumstances around you became tougher and more gruelling, more demanding, you became stuck there because you still felt like this was how it was meant to be. Karmic union, yes?
Somehow you convinced yourself that for the sake of familiarity, and out of force of habit, you would persist with it because you had become ingrained and conditioned to put up with this existence. As such, the dream inside your heart became hardened, the voice inside became silenced, and after a while you could not imagine anything else, so like a diligent patron to the system you subscribed, you felt it was important to stick around and do the work.
It’s true – nothing comes for free. It has to be earned. And with hard work – struggles – comes respect. Nobody out there is ever going to respect you if you don’t take on your share of duties and responsibilities in anything you choose to be engaged.
What if, however, if at some point in that engagement, you suspected that you might have overextended your capabilities, or your overall satisfaction was severely compromised in the affair? Or that your resources had run out and you were no longer able to give any more? What if what was asked of you in that relationship was not only unreasonable, but downright oppressive? Or you noticed that you were feeling increasingly depleted, depressed or just sick?
REALITY CHECK: Try as you might, the initial appeal of the enterprise failed to bring you to that idealised place of comfort and security for which you hoped, and furthermore, its unreasonable demands upon your basic life force now threaten to obscure, diminish or deny the very best things about you. What if this partnership, this deal you entered in good faith, turns out to be your greatest nightmare?
FORCIBLE SOLUTION: Sudden break for freedom, brought about by an electrical resistance.
Can you feel yourself smashing through all convention in just one fell swipe?
Your instinct taught you that you had to punch on. More out of obligation to preserve your place in society (after all contracts are contracts). Think what might happen if you choose to pull away: What will people say? The neighbours… those folks at work…your parents… the kids!!
You wouldn’t want to appear like a failure to them. Your social reputation as a ‘success’ seemed at stake here.
Over a sustained period, you had learned to suppress that inner voice. By now your heart had long given up trying to warn you that you’re going against your nature. In your conditioned mind you felt like there was only one road forward for you. So you pressed on with that, hopelessly trying to do whatever was required of you to earn your much sought after respectability, often under increased expectation and admonishment from those above you, those who psychologically forced you to make increased efforts to carry your sorry ass through this. Eventually, (like now), you may have found yourself becoming inwardly more repressed and most depressed, rather to the point that you could now no longer even remember how to make yourself see any sunshine again.
Is any of the above in any way true for you?
Are you feeling physically tired?
Mentally and physically exhausted?
Are your spirits low?
No money left?
Feeling unloving or unlovable?
Do you feel trapped by the responsibilities that you have taken on in your exterior world; feel pressured into a position which is not allowing you to express the very essence of what you are really all about? Is your world treating you in ways which are not allowing you to feel nurtured or supported, merely judged against a system that demands your conformity, mediocrity, ordinariness?
In a word, do you feel enslaved by your situation?
Chances are that deep inside you is a voice that yearns for a day when you could find some release from all that. That you could find a ways to suddenly break away from all of that.
That day is here.
This fateful Full Moon in Capricorn day.
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