How does one break the awful cycle of depression?
It all starts from an insecurity about being loved and a self-abandonment. Instead, we turn our quest to become loved, accepted and validated to our exterior world, and so, we make some pretty strange choices. In order to find a true workable remedy, perhaps it’s best to start from the centre and work our way outwards.
1. Replenish that internal Black Hole
It is likely that in your desperate neediness to be loved that you actually come to push others away. Ultimately this only makes you feel even more unloved. The source of this is your own self-abandonment. You have ceased to care for yourself. This creates an inner black hole – a vortex of desire to be loved which can become an enormous burden to others. In that vibration, you can only attract other desperate characters, or those lost souls who are only out to take advantage of your own desperate situation.
Take responsibility for your own well-being. Learn to love and accept yourself.
2. Looking out for Love
It is likely that when you are engaging in self-abandonment you are going to reach out and attract someone who is doing the exact same thing. Those people are easy to find. They are equally as needy and looking for someone (like you) to fill the void within. Whilst this may appease you both for a little while, eventually you will only feel unloved and resentful towards each other in the end and the relationship will collapse.
You cannot fill up another person with joy that you do not have for yourself. You can only replenish yourself first. It is only when you are overflowing with love for yourself that you can begin to share that with another. Do not mistake taking with sharing. They are galaxies apart.
3. Up vs. Down
Aside from feelings of loneliness, self-abandonment often comes from an unconscious memory of feeling abandoned as a child. If you felt disconnected from a parent, then it is likely that you will re-construct that pattern in your social world as you grow.
Naturally if you felt cut off from a parent as a child, your “inner child” (or emotional self) will often fear abandonment as an adult. In this vulnerable state, you are likely to take poor, or desperate actions in your pursuit to secure the love and acceptance from those around you.
This fearful neediness from you often puts out signals that are off-putting to many healthy social possibilities. This often limits your options and may even send you into circles or communities which are intentionally supportive. In the end, these will not work because unless you take responsibility for your own feelings, you will not find happiness in such relationships.
4. You do it to yourself
If you’re going to live your life disconnected from your inner senses – not listening to your heart, not going all the way with being accepting of your feelings – you gradually cut yourself off from your community – your personal source of guidance, love and comfort. This creates stress in you, which ultimately becomes a major cause of illness (see Dr. Bruce Lipton – The Biology of Belief).
The stress and anxiety accumulated in your nervous system from self-abandonment, only intensifies the sensitivity of your defensive fight-or-flight responses. This internal hostility not only alienated you from your tribe, but eventually affects your immune system and you become more prone to illnesses.
Becoming reconnected to your intuitive self through meditation, yoga, prayer or through diligent practice of relaxing, creative endeavours. These will inspire you to reconnect back to your community. Feeling part of something greater than you (not living in isolation) will help keep your stress level low and help restore your overall health.
5. Lose those hang-ups
Those who have not yet been shown or discovered ways to connect to their higher self through the love and nurturance of their own feelings will often resort to their addictions in an attempt to fill the inner void. Forming attachments (toxic people, substances) to offset painful feelings quickly develops into addictive patterns of behaviour which are seldom constructive and lead to messy complications.
Addictive behaviour is a classic way of avoiding responsibility for our own feelings. The consequences are usually destructive.
6. Don’t lose your temper
It is important to note that when we try to block or suppress our painful feelings that we often have difficulty managing them when situations become stressful. These could easily turn into destructive behaviour, either towards others or even ourselves. Learning to become more in tune with our feelings – loving ourselves – allows us to tune into our ability to feel compassion for those in our world and helps to eliminate pain, anger and hostility for your lives
7. Find your Passion
Connecting your heart back to your spirit centre soon starts to ignite the fires of your passion and creativity. It seems that when we drive ourselves into an emotional ditch we also lose touch with the thing we live for most of all, what we love to do, the thing that brings us most joy. Without a creative outlet, life becomes dull, pointless and boring. To experience passion, we need to stop seeking our source of happiness and joy from our exterior universe.
Just know, others can never truly bring us the love and joy that we so badly crave. Peace and tranquility can only come to us from making a connection to our own feelings, learning to love and compassionately embrace the pain, the loneliness and heartbreak that we feel instead of trying to suppress or to deny that. It is only when we accept ourselves for who we are that we become comfortable enough to relate to others openly and honestly. And it is only with this openness and honesty that we can ever hope to make and sustain any legitimacy of ourselves in any relationship.
To maintain self-integrity is to hold the key in avoiding our falling into the dumps of despair and depression.